For couples
I support couples for whom marriage really matters
There is no simple recipe for a good marriage. But there are specific tools you can use to build one.
I work online with couples who have hit a wall and do not want to separate.
"A marriage has three phases: the honeymoon, the crisis, and the second honeymoon. That third stage does not arrive on its own."
VICTORIA IWANOWSKA
How I work with couples
I'm not afraid of difficult conversations.
I work with the couple, not against either of you
Both of you get room to say the hard thing - and to hear how it looks from the other side. I do not rule on who is right.
Patterns, not well-meaning advice
In a crisis, two ways of living collide - each one brought from a different home. We work on those patterns and on specific psychological tools.
Something concrete, not endless processing
You leave the first session with a plan and with the rules for how we will go through this together. You have told each other most of these stories many times already. We change the approach so that you move forward.
I know both ends of this story
I have sat with couples on the day they said "yes", and I sit with couples who years later cannot talk to each other. We go back to what brought you together and change what no longer serves you.
What couples say
Quiet, lasting change.
We came in convinced we had nothing left to talk about. We left with a list of things we had not talked about in years.
For the first time, nobody was trying to work out whose fault it was. We looked at each other differently - we can finally talk about what matters to us, instead of who is to blame.
We thought we already knew everything. Instead of going over the same ground, we got concrete tasks for the week, not general advice.
Names changed for confidentiality.
The work
A crisis is not a breakdown
A crisis in a marriage is not a breakdown. It is the moment when it first becomes truly visible that love is not enough - and that two ways of living, brought from two different homes, are colliding.
It is uncomfortable and at times painful. But it is also the only moment when you can put down patterns neither of you chose, and work out a way of your own. Couples who go through it together say their love becomes more grown-up.
- Work on patterns and concrete psychological tools, not well-meaning advice
- Reconciling different conversation styles, when one of you talks about problems and the other about solutions
- Online meetings once or twice a week, on real situations from your week
- Individual sessions are possible too, if one of you wants to start alone or the other is not ready yet
Couples session
The two of you and me. We work on what happened this week, not on the theory of relationships.
€149
50 minutes · online
Individual session
For when one of you wants to begin alone, or the other is not ready yet. It does not rule out working as a couple later.
€99
50 minutes · online
Booking and payment go through my scheduling page, where you will see times in your own time zone.
Questions
Before you write
We are in crisis. Is there still any point?
A crisis on its own says nothing about whether a marriage will survive. It says that the way you have been doing things has stopped working. The first conversation is there to see where you are and whether you want to work with me - not to talk you into anything.
Do we come together or separately?
Usually together. Sometimes one person starts because the other is not ready yet - that is also a good beginning, and it does not rule out working as a couple later.
What actually happens in the first session?
You leave it with a plan and with the rules for how we will go through this together. Most of these stories you have told each other many times already; the point is to change the approach, not to repeat it more slowly.
We live abroad. Is that a problem?
No. Sessions are online and I set times that work in your time zone.
What language do you work in?
English or Polish, whichever is easier for you. I run the couples sessions personally in both.
Do we have to commit to a set number of sessions?
No. Start with one conversation. The twenty-minute introductory call exists so that both of us can tell whether this is the right fit.
The first step is the hardest.
You have just taken it.
You do not have to decide anything straight away. Start with one conversation - we will see whether you want to work with me.